Brandon Calvillo

@bjcalvillo

Snapchat/Twitter: @bjcalvillo |Business Inquiries: jack@millentertainment.com
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It
It | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Waiting for the pizza guy to show up. I hear his name is Father Johns, but his cronies call him "Papa".… read more
Waiting for the pizza guy to show up. I hear his name is Father Johns, but his cronies call him "Papa". He took my whole gang down at our Pizza Hut like some Dominoes. Now it's time to get revenge, then I'm going for his second in command: Little Caesar. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
Posted a few moments ago
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Two Stand-Up Guys. HA! You get it? Because I said "Stand Up Guys" and we're holding microphones, like… read more
Two Stand-Up Guys. HA! You get it? Because I said "Stand Up Guys" and we're holding microphones, like stand up comedians. If you need to me to explain the joke personally to you leave your social security number in the comments. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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When ur mom 4gets 2 put Capri-Sun™ in ur lunchbocks
When ur mom 4gets 2 put Capri-Sun™ in ur lunchbocks | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Everything's fine
Everything's fine | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Waiting to hear if the chlamydia results came back positive. I hope they do, because there's too much… read more
Waiting to hear if the chlamydia results came back positive. I hope they do, because there's too much negativity in the world. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Prequel to the movie Logan where a 23 year old Wolverine struggles with anxiety disorder, anemia and… read more
Prequel to the movie Logan where a 23 year old Wolverine struggles with anxiety disorder, anemia and how to come out to Professor X. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
Posted a few moments ago
ad
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New episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. We answer your questions and things get dark quickly.… read more
New episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. We answer your questions and things get dark quickly. Here's a preview. Listen now. LINK IN BIO. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Wassup girl, I'm a lil bumblebee, here to pollinate your flower.
Wassup girl, I'm a lil bumblebee, here to pollinate your flower. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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New episode of our podcast is up. This week we talk with Cody Ko about stuff. Here's a preview. Listen… read more
New episode of our podcast is up. This week we talk with Cody Ko about stuff. Here's a preview. Listen to the full thing LINK IN BIO. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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"Science Fiction" by Brand New is a modern masterpiece and is without a doubt my favorite album of the… read more
"Science Fiction" by Brand New is a modern masterpiece and is without a doubt my favorite album of the year. Highly recommend you let this album make fuck to your earhole as soon as possible, ya jabronis. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Uh-oh! Looks like I stared into the solar eclipse lol. Get it, because the news said if you looked into… read more
Uh-oh! Looks like I stared into the solar eclipse lol. Get it, because the news said if you looked into the solar eclipse you'd go blind. So I have glasses on that make me appear blind haha. Thanks for reading this caption. I've been going through a rough time recently, both my dogs died in a plane crash a few minutes ago. Their names were Salt & Peppa because they'd always shake things up. Be sure to leave a like in their memory. 1 like = 1 prayer, even though both of them were atheists. Xoxo. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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New episode our our podcast is up. This week we talk about the Charlottesville protests and answer your… read more
New episode our our podcast is up. This week we talk about the Charlottesville protests and answer your questions. Here's a preview. LINK IN BIO | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Doctor's Visit (w/ @imalexoliver)
Doctor's Visit (w/ @imalexoliver) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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New episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. This week we have on Alex Ernst. Here's a preview. Listen… read more
New episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. This week we have on Alex Ernst. Here's a preview. Listen now. LINK IN BIO | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Father and Son having a grand ol' time while the world ends
Father and Son having a grand ol' time while the world ends | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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It's like the dog knows I'm exploiting her on social media.
It's like the dog knows I'm exploiting her on social media. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Our third episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. On this episode we talk about LOVE. Here's a preview.… read more
Our third episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. On this episode we talk about LOVE. Here's a preview. LINK IN BIO. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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They say raising a child is tough. Well imagine if your child was born without a body, and was just one… read more
They say raising a child is tough. Well imagine if your child was born without a body, and was just one colossal head. Imagine when he came out of his fathers vagina, the doctors looked at him and said "Some assembly required lol". Imagine every time your child got a headache you had to fill a truck with Advil. Imagine him rolling home from school crying, saying the kids at school used him to shoot hoops. These are the hardships we as a family face, but we are stronger for it, not weaker. We are very proud our boy Ed, and although at times it can be a bit of an EDache, our love is IbuPROOFEN to last a lifetime. Your two dads love you, Ed, with or without a body. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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A message to all the white nationalist protesters in Charlottesville
A message to all the white nationalist protesters in Charlottesville | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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A message to Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un
A message to Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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My Team 10 Application
My Team 10 Application | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Father and Son Trouble (w/ @realbignik & @ughitsjoe)
Father and Son Trouble (w/ @realbignik & @ughitsjoe) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Our second episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. We have guest @jasonnash on and things get interesting.… read more
Our second episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. We have guest @jasonnash on and things get interesting. Here's a preview. Listen to full thing now. LINK IN BIO. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Charlie, The Mad Puppy
Charlie, The Mad Puppy | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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I suffer from ADD, Animated Depression Disorder. (Art by @etherealsadness)
I suffer from ADD, Animated Depression Disorder. (Art by @etherealsadness) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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I was voted "Most Likely To Grow Up To Look Like A Serial Killer" in high school.
I was voted "Most Likely To Grow Up To Look Like A Serial Killer" in high school. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Our first full length episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. Here is a preview. Listen to full thing… read more
Our first full length episode of our podcast is up now on iTunes. Here is a preview. Listen to full thing now, LINK IN BIO. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Art
Art | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Today is the 23rd anniversary of the day I was forcibly shat out from comfortable nothing into a harsh,… read more
Today is the 23rd anniversary of the day I was forcibly shat out from comfortable nothing into a harsh, slowly deteriorating world against my will; otherwise known as a birthday. Give me cake now please. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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I wrote and directed a short film starring @vanilladingdong @jasonnash & @zane. They are all very good… read more
I wrote and directed a short film starring @vanilladingdong @jasonnash & @zane. They are all very good in it. Here's a clip. Watch the full thing on my YouTube. LINK IN BIO | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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An open letter to Donald Trump.
An open letter to Donald Trump. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Hello. We are starting a podcast where we talk about things. We will also have guests on. The first episode… read more
Hello. We are starting a podcast where we talk about things. We will also have guests on. The first episode is up now on iTunes. Listen now and subscribe if you want. LINK IN BIO. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Finally got a selfie stick and fidget spinner. Oh yeah and he has hickeys. From making out with girls.… read more
Finally got a selfie stick and fidget spinner. Oh yeah and he has hickeys. From making out with girls. We're ready to fuck shit up. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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The Undercover Cop (w/ @jasonnash & @rydoon)
The Undercover Cop (w/ @jasonnash & @rydoon) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Revisiting our old high school. They changed the name after we graduated.
Revisiting our old high school. They changed the name after we graduated. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Family Trip (on acid)
Family Trip (on acid) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Guy who makes complaint to waiter or any person who works in the service industry
Guy who makes complaint to waiter or any person who works in the service industry | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Dropping my boy off at his first day of Military School. He will destroy ISIS.
Dropping my boy off at his first day of Military School. He will destroy ISIS. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Guy who doesn't know what a fist bump is (w/ @robbyjayala & @rydoon)
Guy who doesn't know what a fist bump is (w/ @robbyjayala & @rydoon) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Daily Routine
Daily Routine | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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If People Who Ate Meat Acted Like Vegans
If People Who Ate Meat Acted Like Vegans | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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If Your Smoke Detector Could Talk
If Your Smoke Detector Could Talk | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Blooper
Blooper | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Flirting (w/ @sunnymabrey)
Flirting (w/ @sunnymabrey) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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My name is Joe Gittes, I'm an ex-detective, and right now I'm taking a mirror selfie after getting so… read more
My name is Joe Gittes, I'm an ex-detective, and right now I'm taking a mirror selfie after getting so drunk my breath could singe off your eyebrows. I remember that night like a bad dream. The case that broke me. The one I never solved. The one that wakes me up every night screaming in a cold sweat; The Zumiez Robbery. Maybe one day I'll track down the perp. Maybe one day I'll figure out who stole 2 million dollars worth of crop tops and snap backs. Maybe one day I'll get the redemption I compensate for with booze. But for now, I'll sit in a room as dark and scummy as the city I protected for all those years. All that wasted time. And for what? Justice? It's just a bullshit word, a fairytale, made up by the desperate and the grieving that crave resolution. I found my resolution at the bottom of a bottle, I just have to keep drinking to get to it. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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*hits blunt Baby: "Bro like if u think about it....Santa Claus is just some dude that breaks into ur… read more
*hits bluntBaby: "Bro like if u think about it....Santa Claus is just some dude that breaks into ur house and delivers toys made by slave labor" | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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I wrote and directed a short film that stars @ernst. Here is an out of context clip from it. LINK IN… read more
I wrote and directed a short film that stars @ernst. Here is an out of context clip from it. LINK IN BIO to watch the whole thing. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Cop (w/ @daviddobrik)
Cop (w/ @daviddobrik) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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I rarely see movies more than once in a theater, mainly because the modern day theater experience isn't… read more
I rarely see movies more than once in a theater, mainly because the modern day theater experience isn't great. People talking, on their phones, etc. I much prefer watching movies at home to avoid these disturbances. However, I've seen Baby Driver four times in theaters already, and every time I see it NO ONE in the theater has been on their phone or talking. They are glued to the screen, completely immersed in what's happening. I split film into two categories: Movies and Cinema. The distinction being movies can be watched at home on a tiny screen and you'll be satisfied, but cinema needs to be seen in a massive theater with a packed house to get the full experience. Baby Driver is pure cinema. It is an action movie masterpiece. Perfectly paced, immensely cool and FUN as hell. It's my favorite movie of 2017 and highly recommended. If it sounds like I'm gushing, I am; because I love film and rarely see a movie that gets me excited enough to go back and see it again in a theater to get that experience. Go see it in a theater with all your friends, talk about it for hours after, and see it again. Thank you @edgarwright for making such a rad summer movie. Cheers. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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America's like your alcoholic uncle; he's belligerent and racist at times, but you love him unconditionally… read more
America's like your alcoholic uncle; he's belligerent and racist at times, but you love him unconditionally and hope he'll change. Happy 4th | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Drug Deal (w/ @mattcutshall & @rydoon)
Drug Deal (w/ @mattcutshall & @rydoon) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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I was gonna write some sort of ironic caption for this, but then I realized I would just be using irony… read more
I was gonna write some sort of ironic caption for this, but then I realized I would just be using irony as a safeguard for actually genuinely enjoying anything, like this photo I just took. Because if you take a photo and post it to Instagram, just make fun of the fact you're doing it so that way it's like COOL, even though you're still doing the thing you're making fun of. So, here's this photo I took that I like. Have a good day. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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A teenage girl hates smoking (w/ @vincentmarcus)
A teenage girl hates smoking (w/ @vincentmarcus) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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The Protective Puppy (w/ @lianev & @vincentmarcus)
The Protective Puppy (w/ @lianev & @vincentmarcus) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Tampons (w/ @jessecalvillo)
Tampons (w/ @jessecalvillo) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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We all came out of this Mexicans balls.
We all came out of this Mexicans balls. | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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LA Guys (w/ @jasonnash)
LA Guys (w/ @jasonnash) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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© instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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I tell people I'm Mexican and they don't believe me cuz I look like a kid who works at Hollister in Beverly… read more
I tell people I'm Mexican and they don't believe me cuz I look like a kid who works at Hollister in Beverly Hills. So, here's this video to answer the question of how Mexican I am | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Aw, she got her uncles ADD
Aw, she got her uncles ADD | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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The Break-In (w/ @jasonnash @ughitsjoe & @annelisejr)
The Break-In (w/ @jasonnash @ughitsjoe & @annelisejr) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Villains That Talk For Too Long (w/ @jasonnash)
Villains That Talk For Too Long (w/ @jasonnash) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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The Dumb Friend (w/ @jasonnash @annelisejr & @ughitsjoe)
The Dumb Friend (w/ @jasonnash @annelisejr & @ughitsjoe) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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The Feminine Monster
The Feminine Monster | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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I woke up with a strange scar on my forehead, which made me look like a cult leader so I decided to pose… read more
I woke up with a strange scar on my forehead, which made me look like a cult leader so I decided to pose like one for this picture, but then it got me thinking about how most social media influencers are just like cult leaders with massive followings of very impressionable and easily manipulable youth! The only difference is they don't have murderous intent (hopefully)! Anyways, just wanted to creep the fuck out of your day! Have a swell one! ♥️ | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Dumb
Dumb | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Happy Fathers Day, Father. Thank you for not shooting me into a sock or the toilet
Happy Fathers Day, Father. Thank you for not shooting me into a sock or the toilet | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Pet Cat (w/ @jessecalvillo)
Pet Cat (w/ @jessecalvillo) | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Accidentally Unplugging the Aux-Cord
Accidentally Unplugging the Aux-Cord | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo
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Water Cups
Water Cups | © instagram.com/bjcalvillo